Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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