i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my poor anus
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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