yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
