God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
