its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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