puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
