looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
