last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I understand Curling. That high.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
