Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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