He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
