How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
