So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
