Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
