just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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