Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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