my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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