sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
