I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
