THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
