My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
