the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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