i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
