tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
