i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
