i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
