I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
