ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
