I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
