Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
