she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
