My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
