So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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