So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
