So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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