If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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