it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
