they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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