Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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