i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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