so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
