and you said cock pushups were impossible
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
