Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
