Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
