so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
