I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
