I think my vagina is haunted
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
