You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
