bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
