Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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