dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
