i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
